Sick at College

I've worn this fancy dress too many times

It all started on Tuesday morning during my Psychology final. I had this tickle in my nose and soreness in my throat. I did my best to get through the test to be able to go home. By home I mean Tropicana where I am on my own. The more the day went on the worse my "cold" got. I was in my friends room that night so I could have someone there for me incase I needed anything. I emailed my teacher my final essay telling her I couldn't come in the next day. I was on Katrina's floor trying to sleep for 3 hours. Anytime I moved stuff dripped out of my nose. My tonsils were closing my airway in my throat and my nostrils completely closed off. I couldn't breathe and no doctor was available at 11 PM. I called my parents back home but my step-mom was obviously asleep and my dad is on a cruise ship. I called family that I have here in California but even then it was too late at night for anyone to answer. My friend Katrina and I decided it was necessary that I need to go to the hospital.

I had her drive my car for the first time because I was not in the state to drive. We arrive in the emergency room of the Goleta hospital. As a college student I was so worried that it would be expensive so the first thing I asked is if they took my insurance. They did, and they took me right back to help me, or so I thought. They gave me no new information I didn't know. Since my sickness had just started that day, It was difficult for them to determine what was wrong. I sit in the hospital bed and listen to the guy closed off by the curtain next to me. He was a totally one of those people that used drugs inappropriately. He cussed in pain and called for help but no doctor would help him because they thought he wanted pain meds for the wrong reasons. He was just in a car accident. That hit a spot in me since I was in a few car accidents this year.

The doctor prescribed me medicine that I couldn't get till the next day. He asked if I wanted  a sleeping pill or coughing medicine in hopes that I'd be able to sleep this off when I got back home. Then this rude nurse gives me the sleeping pill I had to choose from the two. I take it and right after she says I can't drive now for six hours. Like really? What if I didn't have a ride home? Thankfully Katrina was there. I was discharged and we went back to Tropicana. I tried to sleep on her couch but then I got that feeling that I needed to puke. I rushed to the bathroom and puked three times in a row. Oh how I hate puking, it reminds me so much of chemo. I had the hardest time sleeping that night because of my sickness and that I puked up my sleeping pill.

My three meals of the day

The next morning I woke up and told Katrina what happened that night. Now that I had puked it seemed clear to her that I have the flu and not just a cold or a sinus problem. Honestly I'm still not sure what I have for a fact. All I knew was I have a flight I have to wake up for on Friday at 2 AM. I put on my sunglasses with my major headache and go with Katrina to Rite Aid. I looked like one of those celebrities with glasses and a hair in a bun that didn't want to be noticed. I arrived at the pharmacy and was told that one of my prescriptions didn't even exist and that the other I couldn't get till the next day in the afternoon. I was so upset, it's not easy taking care of yourself when you're sick as an adult. I bought some Mucinex and went back home. I ate nothing but goldfish, water, soup, and orange juice yesterday. Today I will also be having the same exact thing.


This morning I got my nasal spray prescription, the same food, and Halls. I brought it all to the register and the cashier asked how I was. I told her "sick". She said. "I can tell." Oh well thank you! Today is the last day I can try to get better before my bus ride to LAX tomorrow and flights to Virginia. It's supposed to storm all day tomorrow here in California. I hope my flight isn't delayed because I can't handle any more troubles! I'm doing everything I can, but nothing is seeming to work. I also have to pack today and finish this last blog of the Semester for you guys. I will be in Virginia the entire break. When I come back I was told I should blog again for second semester and I will love to :) I'll talk to you guys next year! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

With love, Angela Rose

SoCal SoRainy

Rain pouring down.."on a Tuesday". I woke up yesterday morning checking my email and refreshing it multiple times to make sure class wasn't cancelled. It wasn't, so I decided to take the bus for several reasons. 1. So I wouldn't get in an accident like everyone else seemed to do all day yesterday 2. To save my gas money and the bus is free 3. So I THOUGHT that I would spend less time in the rain because the parking lot is all the way down the hill at the beach front. I walk outside my front door to find what I did in the video below.


Never was I so wrong. I spent over a whole entire hour in the pouring rain with my laptop in my backpack. I never used to take the bus at this time, but since my Ocean Swimming class is over I do. The bus times and places were different than I was used to. I was proud of myself for even going to school that day and then I get soaked for it! Most SoCal schools are all separated buildings and I've heard they cancel class because of rain if it's this bad. I see why they didn't though, this is the last week of actual class and next week we have finals.

I came back home to Tropicana Gardens which seemed more like the Rain Forest Cafe that day. Palm trees were rustling and gutters were gushing out with water that was poured to the bottom floor. I took off my wet clothes and changed into dry ones. I constantly shivered for a few hours before I was able to stop. It's safe to say I'm a California girl. Some might ask, "Well Angela, what are you going to do when you go back to Virginia for Winter Break?" I will shiver, that's what I'll do.

Sicker than your Average

Literally... I'm "sicker than your average". I have been dealing with late affects of chemotherapy and will continue to the rest of my life. One of the things that chemo has effected me the most is my heart, and with my anxiety that is not a good combination. Lately I've been feeling really stressed with school, my living situation, and just wanting to go home for the holidays. I got sick yesterday morning and the past two weeks I've been feeling a tightness in my chest. I try to do things to distract myself from the stress, but that doesn't make it go away. I'm someone who likes to fix problems or get things I want accomplished for myself right away, but that isn't always possible. It's tough to be sick in college because you feel truly alone. Everyone is too far away to help you and you have to just stay strong. Although sometimes I'm literally sick and tired of being strong!

The thing I was most stressed about with school was signing up for classes and the whole DSPS disappointment thing I talked about in a separate blog here. I'd say out of everything, signing up for classes is the most stressful thing about college. This is my second semester coming up and I'm still not guaranteed I will get my general math class! I'm on the waiting list so *fingers crossed*.

Yesterday I went to the nurse's office here at school. It's located in the Student Services building right next to DSPS. I showed up ready to be helped, but they were going to close in twenty minutes so I set an appointment for this morning. I learned you can go here for free because you pay it in your Medical Health in your college bill. The appointment went well, however I didn't find out anything I didn't already know. The nurse told me that I need to go to Urgent Care, that I was brave, and she wanted to give me a hug...You know, the typically stuff, for me at least! She made me an appointment to talk with the counselor later today to hopefully give me some advice on reducing my stress and then I left. Apparently you can have up to 6 counseling sessions for free each semester.
Of course on the bus ride home I had to stand up when I wasn't feeling well. BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER a gentleman offered me to sit in his seat. I don't know if I looked like I was struggling, if he saw the tattoo on the back of my neck, or what but I took that offer. I said "sure" but what I really meant was "THANK YOU OMG YOU SAVED MY LIFE". Not really...but close :P Moral of the story is even if you do something little for someone, it can go a long way.

Goodbye Fishies

 I know you're all sad to find out that this is my last blog about

my Ocean Swimming class. But it was getting too cold, and the semester is coming to a close! This class ends a few weeks earlier than others because of the conditions so this past Thursday we took our final outside at the tables by the beach and had our delicious potluck. I had one of those feelings that you get when you have your last day of your favorite class. I want to thank my teacher Ingrid Schmitz for letting me continue this class when I was well...the caboose. I also want to thank her assistant Monica who stayed behind with me and my friend every day so we didn't swim alone and get eaten by sharks! :D

Ocean Swimming isn't like any old swim, for some people it can be a lifestyle. There is this 80 year old man I met at the beach and he does it every single day. He said it brings you happiness and health. If I didn't push myself too far, I always felt amazing after swimming. It's like you're in another world almost. Like I've mentioned before I have beat my timed swim by cutting the time in more than half! I definitely recommend taking this class if you want to get the full experience of going to a school like SBCC.

Our last day swimming on Tuesday last week was the roughest I've ever seen or swam! The water was extremely choppy which made it all the more fun. Ingrid said it'd be like going to an amusement park without the price. At first I was scared, but then it was fun! I just had to keep swimming, but every time the wave got high I came up and was like, "WOAH!"...then I started laughing of course. It was a great way to end our class with the highest record in water temperature Santa Barbara has seen in years! Also the potluck was a great way to end it, because I made my famous guacamole. If you haven't tried my guacamole or ocean swimming....you haven't lived. So live :) 

PS: I signed up for Spring Semester after my last day of this class, I'll let you know how that went in another blog.

Since when did Iowa send a tractor to our beach?

Inspiring Artist

Photoshoots are always fun, especially at the beach! Our marketing manager Billy took all told us to dress up in something that shows our dancing personality. He get's the photo-creds to all these pictures. Except there was one photo he was in, that one a random, older lady took of all of us, haha. This isn't my whole dance team, it's about half. State street Leadbetter Beach was the perfect place to take pictures to represent our SBCC Dance Team! Currently we finished working on Hip Hop and we are in Contemporary dance. I'd say Contemporary is my favorite, but Hip Hop was a lot easier! We all received nicknames for ourselves and I think mine fits quite well :)

Afterwards we took a stroll down State Street where they were having a huge farmers market all the way down the street. Oh, cannot forget to tell you that I had my favorite....Chipotle.

Quad Wars

     If you didn't already know, I live at Tropicana Gardens. It's a residency for mostly SBCC or also UCSB students. You pay for everything like food, wifi, living, etc all in one bill which makes it a lot easier. Not only that, but Tropicana is a great place to live your first year of college because they have so many activities where you can meet a bunch of students like yourself. Click here if you want to check out their website! We had a thing called "Quad Wars". It's a competition partaking all the different sections of the residency and a couple other nearby ones as well. I met some people I didn't even know were my neighbors! I found out their were a lot of blonde girls in my quad called Barbados. We are the Barbados Blue Jays but I like to think of us all the Barbados Blondes LOL. Anyway, you can check out the "war" in this video :) In the tug-a-war I'm the second one from the front!

DSPS

My Make a Wish Run

I had signed up for this first semester late because I got consumed in all the other plans I had to make to come out here. I also had arrived here right before school started from Virginia. This semester I didn't get the major classes that I needed to get my General Studies in. Then I met a friend who said she had anxiety as well. She said she just went through the DSPS (the Disability Counseling Center) to sign up for classes early and get extra time on tests. Within days I went to DSPS to talk to someone and found out my cancer and anxiety could get me in. I was told I either had to take a 300 question test to place me or show "proof" (a documentation of my diagnosis). I told one of the lady counselors that I might need extra time on tests and that chemo affected my brain which made my comprehension that I've always struggled with worse. I joked around saying, "My tattoo saying that I'm a survivor isn't enough?". Like I would get that just to get it? No! It's not enough, neither is all the pain and suffering I went through during my chemo treatment and my anxiety.My memories I see every day aren't either. About a month ago I asked my doctor for a documentation of my diagnosis. Never heard back from them. I called "about a week ago" saying that I hadn't received it. I was told she was in the hospital herself and that nurses have been really busy with the children who are currently going their for chemo treatment. 
Oh that stabbed me in the heart. I did not want to hear that they were busy, not for myself but for the children. It's heartbreaking to hear; I was one of them. Within a couple days I  refreshed my email and saw the documentation of my diagnosis. I was ready and I made an appointment to meet with a different counselor at the DSPS. 

Obviously cancer has affected me.

Yesterday I went to that appointment. From the full day I was already anxious and stressed about everything. Basically as soon as I sat down I was told that this documentation wasn't enough, that I needed proof of my side effects. My eyes started to flood with tears and I tried so hard not to let them fall. It hurts when I  have all the painful memories and it was the the hardest time of my life and I get told that that they can't believe it's a fact. I was told I need proof of the side affects when they were present right in front of his face. It'll be too late by the time I get the "proof of my side affects" from my doctor. I guess again I'll have to just hope I get the classes I need like everyone else. The problem however still exists that when I sign up for my math class, I'll need the extra time on tests this semester. I'm fairly decent at math, it just takes me more time to get the right answer. Anyway, I tried get out of the DSPS as soon as possible because I don't like to cry in front of people I don't know. Especially in front of someone who needs more proof that I had cancer. So I sat outside by a tree and called a couple people who are close to me to help comfort me. A security person who goes around the school came over while I was on the phone with a piece of paper that asked if I was okay. I nodded my head....I lied. 
I understand that in almost every situation you need a documentation of proof about everything because no one can trust anyone. I also understand people have to do their jobs. However, there are nicer ways a counselor can speak with you about it. It's just hard becoming an adult when a lot of my childhood slipped right out of my fingers. I can make a bet too that when I finish my autobiography book and I'm known for being the survivor, it still won't be enough proof. So far having to provide documentation for everything is the part I hate most about adult life. I'm just trying to mix my emotions from reality into this crazy world. Ahh!!

On another related note!!! Check out my childhood cancer organization SPECIALOVE I'm apart of. It its filled with the best, strongest people in the world and they deserve some attention :) Click here .

Happiest Place On Earth

Once upon a time I woke up before four in the morning when I didn't have to. Tropicana (my residency) sent me an email I didn't receive until 4:30 saying we didn't have to meet until 5:30 now. I was already, and so was my friend Katrina! The cafeteria was closed so we took a walk down into Isla Vista to get some coffee and snacks. An interesting idea it was... On our way we past by a restaurant with no one in it that was playing really creepy music. Right afterwards a skunk popped out from under a car and ran into a restaurant right in front of us. Next right before we get to the store two older creepy guys say something to us. This happens all the time. It was strange to walk down this area at the one time of the day no one is awake. Katrina and I got our Pumpkin Spice Lates and headed back to Trop. I ran back upstairs because I forgot my Minnie ears, but then I came to the realization that I didn't pack them :( We still were there kind of early, no one was there except this older lady who I found out was cancer survivor too. 

My most memorable memories of Disneyland was going on my summer visits, although I did go when I lived here. It was cool to see it in a different season. Shops were starting to stock up and Christmas things and the Haunted Mansion changed to a Nightmare Before Christmas theme. We stopped by a restaurant to watch a courtet. First they pulled Katrina up to sing with them while I recorded her. Then they pull me up! I'm used to being the person that watches people get pulled out of a crowd, not to be that person! They all fought to dance with me as you can see in the video. Also also also I went on the Finding Nemo ride for the first time, it was so cool! Even though it wasn't the real ocean, I've never been on a submarine before. When I left on the train ride back to the parking lot, we passed by a Disney worker who yelled, "I'm so pissed off!".....This is supposed to be the happiest place on earth right? I'll never look at the workers the same haha. This trip to Disney was the most memorable. I went on a different season, with 100 plus people, all for $55! Das amazin.

San Fran

She has the same name as my mom, it must be a sign- I can
tell we are going to be great friends :)

First of all, let me say I hope everyone had a safe Halloweekend here in Isla Vista. We are known to be the hotspot of parties, especially on this weekend. I celebrated early with my new friend from dance, Jacky, and a small group of people. We actually decided it'd be best for us to head up to San Francisco for the weekend. IV is filled with people from out of town, over 300 extra LA cops, and water and bathroom stations. I got a water bottle that said "Jesus loves you". As soon as I get to Jacky's friends house, one of their roommates throws a bottle from the balcony. Next thing you know cops bang on the door. I have never been so frightened, those cops were hitting the door like it wasn't someone's property. Eventually they gave up and left, and so did I. I left as the ANGELa I was...or am. When I got back to Trop I had to prove I lived there by scanning my finger, because no one else was allowed back.

The next morning Jacky and I headed up to San Fran on Halloween on perfect timing. Apparently it rained here on Halloween, putting the cops to shame. Well not entirely....but I'm sure it helped. After I dropped Jacky off in San Mateo I drove to my cousin's house in San Francisco. HOLY ANXIETY my GPS would tell me to make a left in .25 miles and change it's mind telling me to turn right in 5 feet when I was on the farthest lane. Moving on, I went with my cousin Alex (my mom's cousin) and his wife and daughter to her less extreme parties and trick or treating. It was FREEZING! So glad I live in California...well SoCal. San Fran was beautiful though in a different way that I've seen in California. I don't have any memory of being here before. The tall, steep hills made me grab on for life when I was the passenger in the car. They seemed difficult, but so pretty- they made the city. San Fran is just another reason to love California all the more. I saw the Golden Gate Bridge from Avery's soccer field and later babysat her, I saw the Full House house, and went to breakfast on Sunday at the Home Plate. It was a small, local restaurant so I thought that's why it was named what it was. It actually was named that because it had a baseball theme. Oh also, the Giant's Parade was happening when I got there, Jacky invited me, but I declined. LA all the way baby; Let's go Dodger's let's go!!!

Dance Team

     This is the first time I can say I've joined a school sport's team. I've always done outside clubs with various sports, but I never seemed to play for the school for many reasons including: having to take care of my brothers, coach's favoritism for their child and their friends, and going through remission of cancer. Also when I was younger, I grew up in a strict environment where I was judged so I became shy, especially since I moved a lot too. I've always been told by many people that I was a good dancer. However there is always that one person who can have an effect on you. I won't name names but that is why I was too scared to join in high school where there was so much judgment. College is all about a new start and a new you! Do want you want to be what you want! Well now I'm happy and proud to say that I am apart of the SBCC Dance Team. It is run by student's themselves and our performance below was to raise awareness for the club we also have. Comment below if you're interested :) Also if you can't see which one is me, I'm in the red tank top with boots on the right side. You can see better if you make it full screen.

     I love my team. There are some days when I feel lonely and I just want to get away from my room. I come to practice almost every time and every single time I feel better afterwards. Dancing makes me happy and so do these people. We laugh, joke around, have silly group messages...Don't get me wrong, their are times where it gets more serious to make sure we get it down, but it's all apart of it and I am glad I am apart of it. I'M A PART OF THE SBCC DANCE TEAM! I'm doing what I what, becoming who I am meant to be, and I am free! That is the college experience. I'm trying new things and having new experiences. This is my first time ever dancing on a team or performing. Feel free to let me know how I did!

Mi Padre

Today I had to work on an iMovie for my wonderful, interesting English class. It was about interviewing an older person in your family who had a time when they experienced being "voiceless". My 2 hour and 20 minute class flew by when I worked on it. I love doing this kind of stuff because it's what I want to do in the future! I especially love working on iMovies for YouTube when they are more personal. It's like a part of my book turning into a movie!

Thought my outfit for school was
cute so I had to take a selfie.

As you will be able to tell when you watch the video, my dad and I have been through
a lot together.
The video definitely
doesn't do our hurdles justice, but I'm saving all that for my book. I know he was sad when I left for college, especially me being his only daughter and the first to go....but he knew it's something I had to do to find my happiness. You could say I'm pretty content :) I'll be going back to Virginia where he is for Winter Break for a whole month.

Puppy Love

PUPPIES!!! LOVE!!! LITTLE THINGS!!! AHH!

When I went back to my hometown in Ventura this weekend to visit family I decided to visit  the other things I love.... Before I went to my Aunt's house I made sure to stop by a little store in the Oaks Mall where I had once gotten Guinni thirteen years ago. Actually I went there twice. First I went there, shopped for 20 minutes, then came back before I left. You could say I was in the puppy store for aaaarrrooounndd 45 minutes. No one was there to tell me "let's go" *cough cough* Andrew. I hope I can find a store like this one around Isla Vista or Santa Barbara, but if I do....I'll never have time for blogging ;)

If you know me....or don't know me you should know that I'm obsessed with pugs because I grew up with one (and because they are the cutest, most wrinkly things ever with bulging eyes). When I went to the puppy store I realized that yes I still want a pug most compared to any other dog. However, if I received any other puppy and got the chance to keep it; I would. I'd still want a pug though! Recently one of my friends in my English class got a puppy. There are plenty of students who claim their dogs as "service dogs". People find their way around, it's not impossible to have a dog in college! It's just more responsibility.

At my Aunt's house I was not surprised to find out she got another tortoise. It was just born last month. She has multiple old and young. This one is supposed to be a girl. She already has had four boys and one girl, so it is exciting she has a girl now. We're used to thinking of boy names, so leave a comment if you got a cute one! I was thinking Shelly.

I hope you enjoyed this YouTube video. Click here if you couldn't see it on your mobile. I worked hard on it just to make sure it brings smiles to your faces. I know I watch videos of cute puppies and it brightens my day :)

OCEAN SWIMMING UPDATE: Class ends early in less than a month because it'd be hard for everyone to go back after eating so much on Thanksgiving. Today was the second time I swam where the water was clear! So you could say Ocean Swimming went SWELL. Get it, swell? (I made a funny)  I was so tired, especially from dancing a lot but seeing the ocean floor is too cool to pass up.

Weak from the Week

I'm not going to lie, I've had a tough week. Recently I've decided to go further with dance instead of just doing it for fun by joining the club. This past week our SBCC Dance Team has been practicing every day because we are soon going to be performing. On top of that I beat my timed 1,000 meter swim in Ocean Swimming from 1 hour and 5 minutes to 25 minutes. It felt good, my whole class clapped and cheered me on. I haven't felt that supported in my life since my Make A Wish run I started. After that day I haven't been feeling well. Stress with my personal and school life , health, and all this physical activity has gotten to me. My teacher even made a comment to me that I look like I've lost weight. I hope it's in a good healthy way, because it bothers me if it's because of stress. I lost 30 pounds during my chemo treatment, it was scary. 

A problem that I have is that I don't know when enough is enough. I don't know when to quit. Don't get me wrong, it can be a good thing I don't quit sometimes, but other times it can be unhealthy. I push myself too far. I overestimate my physical strength. Hopefully I feel better soon and stress goes down because I want to keep myself busy. Sometimes when you're in the beginning college and you haven't established your group of friends yet, you can feel lonely. Joining the dance team has definitely helped. I've gotten a lot of laughs and good vibes from this group. I'll post a video of our performance for you when it happens very soon!

Obsession or Love?

Seeing a dog in college is like seeing your favorite famous person, YOU LOSE CONTROL. Every dog will remind you of yours back home. However, not to put all your dogs to shame mine is the cutest, oldest, stupidest, most lovable, baby, snorting dog and he is MINE. Problem is...he is all the way across the country, but smack dab in the middle of my heart ;) I've been told I'm obsessed, and I'm okay with that. Four things I obsess over: California, Pugs, Babies, and Chipotle. Out of those four things though, pugs are my best obsession.

The day I had to leave Guinni  for college :( 

"About a week ago" Andrew and I went to my hometown mall in Thousand Oaks, CA where I had gotten my pug Guinness 13 years ago. I went into that store about three times before Andrew wouldn't go anymore. The dogs tried their hardest to lick through the crack of the glass to lick your finger. The tiniest dog ever also smashed it's face into the glass trying to come to me. It probably had the tiniest brain too but that makes it even more cute :) I mentioned I should work at a shop like this...then I reminded myself I'd probably get fired for too much love and not enough work. Later on we were walking down state street after having seen multiple dogs that day but not one pug. BAM! Out of no where I see a pug full of fat rolls sitting on it's owner's lap outside in a restaurant just staarrrriiinnngg at me. Remember that control I talked to you about? Yeah...I lost it. Half my body fell to the ground and I couldn't speak. Andrew was freaking out thinking something bad was about to happen,but it was just the opposite. We laughed all the way down state street while I had to fight the urge to ask to pet it.

He has also done the deed of giving me something else to obsess over. I never thought there would be such thing as a pug game or app on my iPhone but IT'S TRUE IT'S POSSIBLE IT'S REAL. This is just what I need! I needed an interactive thing to let my obsession out everyday if I can't have my pug for myself. I have to win more points at Pug Rapids then him because I'M the one who loves pugs more!! There's another game where you can pet dogs and take care of them on my tablet called Kinectimals. The most interesting one I found would have to be Farting Pugs. It's just like Flappy Birds but better. I didn't download it however because....I suck at Flappy Birds and.....I'd probably giggle the whole time.

Oct 16- Guinni's  Birfday

FaceTime is probably your best option. You get to see your baby for yourself. My eyes get watery every time and I kept help but say Guinniiiii Guinniiii over and over again. He's deaf and almost completely blind. I've had him since Kindergarten, his thirteenth birthday was 4 days ago. The worst part about it however is they don't know what the f*** they are looking at, secondly your dad might show you them taking a sh** outside. Cough Cough (my dad).

Lastly how I find another way to cope with my obsession is videos. When I'm bored and in need of a laugh I go on YouTube and search P-U-G-S. Just do it.

So my fellow college students,
If you are missing your pet back at home visit a shop or shelter, walk down State Street or the beach, find an interactive game, look at YouTube videos or your old videos with them, or FaceTime their cute face! :D

Gotta Take Care of the Baby

I'm not the typical girl, but when it comes to cars you can call me dazed. I don't have time to memorize every car name and part out there! I do have the time however to go to the shop and get something I need. Instead of spending chunks of cash to have someone do it for you; you can do it yourself. Or have your boyfriend do it :P  

My Baby Beam

Last weekend my "Service Engine Soon" and windshield wiper fluid light was on. Andrew simply checked my oil which was low and filled it with more. When he left I went back to Auto Parts store because they seemed to have a lot of stuff a car would need. I got myself some windshield wiper fluid which was under three bucks and filled it up in my car myself. Check,check, done! As a girl, I felt like I could handle anything after that. Not really, but I was proud of myself. I've noticed a difference in me already not even finishing a semester in college yet; I'm becoming more independent. 

Sooo you know that feeling when you see your name as the name of a shop, restaurant, or business? Yeah I found my dad's name "Larry's Auto Parts" ironic because my dad used to help me with my car when I was back at home. Also I found MY NAME!! Ironic because well...never mind.

     

The Tatt

"Psst, Survivor!!" ... I sit in my Psychology class today not knowing this was my name. "Surrvvvivorrr" the guy behind me sings again in a rock n roll voice. "Surrvivvorr!!!" he sings again. I turn around and he's trying to hand me the attendance sheet. I smile and say thank you like I usually do. The guy next to him who I had met a few weeks ago asks for my name again. We shake hands like we met for the first time, because now he knew I was more than just another "normal" girl in class; I'm a survivor.

So this is the tattoo they saw today when I was wearing a tank top in class. I got in April 5, 2013 when I was seventeen. This is how I described it that day when I posted it to Facebook....

" It's what it looks like, a tattoo! Everything went well except I threw up because my anxiety was getting to me and I needed sugar. But hey I threw up way more times during chemo than this! I have been thinking about this tattoo ever since I was diagnosed with cancer...I came up with the whole idea, except the tattoo artist drew it better! One day I was doodling in class and came up with the O and V becoming an awareness ribbon. Creative huh? This is no ordinary tattoo, it explains my survival. I will list off what everything means.

-The tattoo is on my neck because that was where my cancer was.
-It's on my back so it means cancer is in the past/ behind me but its still apart of me and who I am.
-The purple is my awareness ribbon color. Also was my moms favorite color. Ironic!
-The heart on the dot of the i represents the symbol for the best cancer organization in the world, Special Love! I met the best people in the world at those camps. It is the best part about being a cancer survivor. The heart also means that when I was losing all hope, the thought of love coming into my life and growing a family down the road was the only thing that got me through. My grandmother died when my mom was young, my mom died when I was young too. I WILL break that cycle!
- If you know me, I'm a survivor of many things, not just cancer. Survivor is the word that describes me best! 
(PS: don't worry, my dad completely supported it and signed off on it!)"

PS PS: I will be getting another tattoo this year. I'll leave it as a surprise but I will give you a hint...it's for my mom and brother!

Virginia Visitor

This is the guy I told in the beginning of senior year that I didn't want a serious relationship because I knew I'd be coming here. He turned out to be the guy I was so serious with and couldn't give up on. Until, I moved out here to California to follow my dreams. Nothing could stop me; not Andrew, not my pug I'm obsessed with Guinness, nor my father whose been nothing but there for me my whole life. For the first time I decided to let go, Andrew held on.Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith. Andrew just recently visited around our 1 year anniversary. I had the best time showing my high school sweetheart my hometown. I got to show the one I love the place I love. Long distance isn't easy, but it's not impossible. It's only temporary. Currently we are hoping he gets stationed out here for the Coast Guard. 

Our schedule

Thurs Oct 9: He arrived in LAX. We tried going to the cemetery but it was closed :( It hurt so much that my mom and brother were right there and I couldn't see them. We drove back to Santa Barbara where we took a sunset stroll along the beach.

Fri Oct 10: We visited the cemetery. I told my mom I was finally home, and it felt so good. I showed him around State Street and we had lunch on the pier. We went to a restaurant with....you guessed it- seafood!

Sat Oct 11: For the first time I introduced him to some family here. I took him to the Thousand Oaks mall in my hometown where we had lunch at Stacked. Later that night in Isla Vista I took him to DP. We didn't stay that long :P Cops shut down the first party we went to.

Sun Oct 12: I went with him to the Santa Barbara Zoo. I haven't been there since I was little! It's a beautiful zoo and so close by. After that we went to Hollywood to the City Walk and had dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. 

Mon Oct 13: He was supposed to leave but his flight kept getting delayed because of a storm in Houston. He calls be while I am driving back home saying "Come back!" Just our luck he got to stay another day on our anniversary. We went to the walk of fame later on.

Tues Oct 14: The day he left for real :( The Virginia-raised-boy turned into a California boy and didn't want to go home.

I knew he'd love it here, anyone would. No doubt if you're here, you'll soak up the infectious  California sun.

Off Topic

Most people wouldn't say that their most interesting class is English. If you really think about it though, it's the teacher who makes it either boring or exciting. My English 103 class is....interesting. We always seem to talk about the same topics including: women power, sex, rape, and culture. My teacher, Mrs. B is awesome! I've always hated reading but she makes the class so alive. Most of the time we aren't even reading, it's just a huge group discussion. I have struggled with reading comprehension my whole life until now. Mrs. B creates tasks for us to make it easier to understand. She IS a teacher. She teaches about life and that's the way teachers should teach. I mean who wants to learn straight from the textbook? Although it's about the same topics and she will fry your brain with how deep into discussion she goes; I wouldn't choose to be in any other reading class. I feel bad for all the guys though....I'm sure they don't want to hear women should have more power and that they are horrible people because their gender rapes.
I took a couple videos in class, sneaking the excitement JUST FOR YOU!!! In other words....sorry for the bad quality.

 But it was funny huh?

DP

Del Playa.
No this is not a beach, it's a street. The street actually. Want to party? Go to DP! Want to get lost from you friends? Go to DP! Want to make bad decisions? Go to DP! I think you get the point...

Personally I only go on this street during the nights I don't have school in the morning, and when I do IT'S CRAZY. Cops at every block with their arms crossed stare you down. But honestly the cops all know the kind of stuff the kids are getting into, so they are usually more lenient because they are mostly there for safety. This is an experience like no other. Here people walk on the streets and not the sidewalk and they'll also go walk into strangers house parties with no problem or questions asked.

Tips: Don't Trip. Don't sit on the curb. Don't argue or fight with anyone. Don't carry anything. Just play cool and act like you're not going to a party like the hundreds of other people on this street! :D . Don't drive on DP after 10. Don't wear high heels, you will be walking up and down this street all night. This is a beach town, no one dresses up that fancy. Keep a buddy at all times (especially if you're a girl)! Be...prepared, and BE SAFE! 

Sea of Surprises

I'm driving down the hill from Cliff Drive to the SBCC parking lot and I see this massive boat again! This is probably the third time I've seen this big of a boat parked outside our La Playa Stadium. When you drive down that hill the boat looks gigantic but once you are at the parking lot it still looks like it, but farther away. This picture doesn't do it justice, but I didn't want to take a picture while I was driving.

Rumors I've heard from my Ocean Swimming class say that it's a Russian yacht. That just sounds ridiculous! Who would have a yacht this big? Are the Russians trying to tell us something? Who knows... but this strange. I don't know whether to be creeped out that they are always outside our school or flattered that they enjoy the view our every day view. Let's just hope it doesn't come any closer to shore considering I have class today. No one wants a runned-over Angela...right?

This morning as I waited on the beach for class to begin I asked my classmate about it. He said this was a different ship than we saw before, that the other one was a Russian yacht and this one is a cruise ship.

Today in class the water wasn't as clear as it was last time. Although, it was clear enough to see that I was swimming through hundreds of little fishies. Classmates a buoy away from me saw three dolphins 30 feet away from them! They pointed them out to me and I only saw their fins. I screamed in happiness and my classmate said. "I love how girls get so excited they scream when they see a dolphin." Later on as I was swimming back to shore I swore I heard the screech of a dolphin. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. All I know was swimming in the not so clear ocean today with all the surroundings made me a little paranoid. #lovingthethrill
     PS: I swam back into shore today without a lifeguard after my longest swim yet, pshh I don't need no man!

Cloud Nine

                  

  I have a love hate relationship with fog. It can be so beautiful yet dangerous. It was the reason I got in my first car accident and crashed my car when I lived on the east coast. It's also a reason I feel like I'm on a cloud nine in beautiful Santa Barbara.

If you haven't noticed, California's beaches and the valley are separated by the mountains. One side you look and it's clear skies and hot, sunny weather. On the other side is cooler weather and clouds. That's one reason I love California, I love the variety here whether it's the weather, food, people, or places to visit. It's just amazing how it can be sunny and foggy at the same time. Also how you feel as if the clouds are down by you and you're driving through it like an airplane would. I feel like I could just jump on one of these clouds and drift away. I can't though, and that's okay. I'm content with where I am :)

Laugh a Little

You wouldn't think with my background I'd be known to laugh or smile a lot, but I sure do. Sometimes I have even been told that I laugh at everything but hey, that's better than nothing! Unlike some cancers, sadness has a cure. So for any of you that are sad, I'm about to cure you all! So will SBCC...it's a fun, beautiful place to be :) 

                                            

This is a frightening, incurable                                            JSB Cafe everyone.

disease called PUG OBSESSION.                                  

Both my roommate and I will never 
be cured and it's not a sad thing...to 
us at least! I brought my stuffed-pug
 because I VERY SADLY couldn't 
bring my real one.   

                                     

         

This would actually make me                                            Selfie with Seagull

want to use my sun shade. How

freakin' cool is this! It's like a 

childhood fantasy came to life!

                                                                    

        

       

                               

       Turning not-so-fun shopping                                  AWWWWWWWWWWW.

       for wetsuits into Bay Watch                                    Sea Lion just chillin on a buoy. I'd

       ....what?                                                                     do that if I had to swim all the time!

Little Mermaid

Ocean Swimming is a lot tougher of a class than you think. The fact that you get to have class across La Playa Stadium at the beach makes it beyond worth it. I took swimming classes and was on teams (in a pool) for eight years before my diagnosis. I came into Ocean Swimming thinking I would know everything about swimming but that it'd be just a tad tougher. Nope! See that's the thing about me...I always overestimate the amount of physical strength I have had since after treatment. It's great because I'm getting my strength back, but can be a bad thing at the same time. The teacher for this class really cares about your safety! Girls, if you ever get too tired just know you got a cute lifeguard or two that will take you back to shore ;) What? Just sayin... 

The first class I arrived at the beach not knowing where to meet. Like...do I meet at this particle of sand or that one or that one or that one or that one??? First to arrive after my 8 am class, then people started showing up and I started feeling so excited. The next two weeks we trained in the pool. I still got it ;) The pool was freezing enough, never mind the Pacific Ocean. 

Day 1 in the ocean: I arrive in my red one piece. Me, not Pamela Anderson! Haha. I swam one buoy because I was short of breath from anxiety. The assistant teacher told me I should take a different swimming class that would be easier. Me quit? Ha! I did need to get a wetsuit for sure though.

Day 2: This Little Mermaid swam 1,000 meters. All the way down the SBCC coast fishies!!! I felt unstoppable in my wetsuit.

Day 3: Timed Test. This was the worst day. Before I got in I got knocked down by a wave. Then soon to realize we had to swim against the current. Choppy water smacked in my face every time I turned my face for a breath. My partner gave up, but I still had the assistant teacher and lifeguard with me. I thought I was finished but there was one more buoy to go. Right then and there, in the middle of the ocean, I had my first panic attack. Barely able to lift my arms out of the water, I fight to the end where the next buoy was. JK!! That wasn't the end. I was told if I didn't swim out to shore myself I would get put as "Did Not Finish". Second panic attack. The assistant teacher keeps telling me I'm tough, and this was nothing compared to chemotherapy. My past of having the attitude of surviving carries with me. The lifeguard asks if I want him to take me in. My assistant teacher answers for me saying, "No, she's got it, she's tough. Common Angela let's go!" Strong, but not smart I push for it. Where I'm able to stand I cannot. My assistant teacher and the lifeguard lift me up out of the water and take me to the lifeguard's truck where he drives me back to the start. Chaffed with a burning sensation on my neck, I sat in remembrance of my pain in my neck from my lymphoma. I wasn't as proud as I thought I would be. I realized I need to treat my fragile body with more care and respect. When I got home, you can imagine I passed out in a hard core nap. 

Day 4: In the morning today, I debated whether or not I should go to class or give my body a little more rest. I decided to go, but declare myself done the moment I felt any sort of weak. Boy, am I glad I went today. Before class my favorite thing to do is annoy the seagulls. They annoy us so I annoy them! I get way too much enjoyment out of it. The water was smoother than ever. Usually you could never see the bottom of the ocean without goggles or with because it wasn't clear. First dive I take and I see the bottom of the ocean floor. Sand rests with the sun's rays glistening in rays coming back up toward my face. Sea weed standing tall and  grows from the bottom of the floor. WOAH! I've never seen under the ocean with my own eyes before! I didn't know whether to be scared or amazed. Swimming seeing below actually turned out to be easier because you focus on the view below you instead of how tired you are. I remembered to cross my feet together so I didn't kick. In Ocean Swimming you don't kick because that gives off 43% of your oxygen. Going farther around buoys and back I see bones on the ocean floor, and fish to my left. I indulge myself under the water and realize how quite and away from the world I felt. It felt so good, and I left class feeling good. Then I went home and ate some fish! So weird...

Angela Rose Bickmann: Conquers cancer and the ocean. I'm surviving and living and I couldn't be happier about it :)

Remember,

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do? We swim! Swim! Swim! Swim!"

Cancer patients should sing

"Just keep surviving, just keep surviving, what do we do? We live! Live! Live! Live!" 

Anxiety

It's something I've dealt with my whole life. It's something impossible to get rid of. Through medications, therapy, and education I have found nothing but a reason. I guess that's what we want out of life right? We want to know the reasons why. 'What's your reason?' you might ask. Well, to start off I have separation anxiety. It's caused by the sudden loss of a parent when you're just a baby. I lost my mother and brother at year old. Not to mention all the other stress of life testing my strength. That's the reason. However, I'm trying to move past that reason for that reason. You see, I inspire myself through my past for my future. I want to live life to the fullest as you could tell in my last blog.

Many things at this age of ours can bring up anxiety. Some of those things involve moving on your own, living paycheck to paycheck,and working your butt off so you can go to school to find a job to work your butt off even more. But hey, it's all worth it if you make sure you study the subjects you need to achieve and attain the job you love. I love writing, I want to write a book and become a screen writer. This helps my anxiety. Find what you love to do, it's all apart of the college experience. I found what I wanted to do at a young age because I had to grow up quickly and I have had many experiences (which is a good thing for a writer to have ;) . Don't stress if you don't know what you want to do, because when you find it...that stress will go away. EXPERIENCE, EDUCATE yourself, and achieve EXCELLENCE! You will be ETERNALLY happy :)