DSPS

My Make a Wish Run

I had signed up for this first semester late because I got consumed in all the other plans I had to make to come out here. I also had arrived here right before school started from Virginia. This semester I didn't get the major classes that I needed to get my General Studies in. Then I met a friend who said she had anxiety as well. She said she just went through the DSPS (the Disability Counseling Center) to sign up for classes early and get extra time on tests. Within days I went to DSPS to talk to someone and found out my cancer and anxiety could get me in. I was told I either had to take a 300 question test to place me or show "proof" (a documentation of my diagnosis). I told one of the lady counselors that I might need extra time on tests and that chemo affected my brain which made my comprehension that I've always struggled with worse. I joked around saying, "My tattoo saying that I'm a survivor isn't enough?". Like I would get that just to get it? No! It's not enough, neither is all the pain and suffering I went through during my chemo treatment and my anxiety.My memories I see every day aren't either. About a month ago I asked my doctor for a documentation of my diagnosis. Never heard back from them. I called "about a week ago" saying that I hadn't received it. I was told she was in the hospital herself and that nurses have been really busy with the children who are currently going their for chemo treatment. 
Oh that stabbed me in the heart. I did not want to hear that they were busy, not for myself but for the children. It's heartbreaking to hear; I was one of them. Within a couple days I  refreshed my email and saw the documentation of my diagnosis. I was ready and I made an appointment to meet with a different counselor at the DSPS. 

Obviously cancer has affected me.

Yesterday I went to that appointment. From the full day I was already anxious and stressed about everything. Basically as soon as I sat down I was told that this documentation wasn't enough, that I needed proof of my side effects. My eyes started to flood with tears and I tried so hard not to let them fall. It hurts when I  have all the painful memories and it was the the hardest time of my life and I get told that that they can't believe it's a fact. I was told I need proof of the side affects when they were present right in front of his face. It'll be too late by the time I get the "proof of my side affects" from my doctor. I guess again I'll have to just hope I get the classes I need like everyone else. The problem however still exists that when I sign up for my math class, I'll need the extra time on tests this semester. I'm fairly decent at math, it just takes me more time to get the right answer. Anyway, I tried get out of the DSPS as soon as possible because I don't like to cry in front of people I don't know. Especially in front of someone who needs more proof that I had cancer. So I sat outside by a tree and called a couple people who are close to me to help comfort me. A security person who goes around the school came over while I was on the phone with a piece of paper that asked if I was okay. I nodded my head....I lied. 
I understand that in almost every situation you need a documentation of proof about everything because no one can trust anyone. I also understand people have to do their jobs. However, there are nicer ways a counselor can speak with you about it. It's just hard becoming an adult when a lot of my childhood slipped right out of my fingers. I can make a bet too that when I finish my autobiography book and I'm known for being the survivor, it still won't be enough proof. So far having to provide documentation for everything is the part I hate most about adult life. I'm just trying to mix my emotions from reality into this crazy world. Ahh!!

On another related note!!! Check out my childhood cancer organization SPECIALOVE I'm apart of. It its filled with the best, strongest people in the world and they deserve some attention :) Click here .