Inspiration Point

I'm going to be cheesy for a second here.... Inspiration Point inspired me about going back to school. For those of you that aren't locals, Inspiration Point is a 2.5 hour hike (18,000 feet) up into the mountains where you can overlook all of Santa Barbara. It's like I was overlooking the past 2.5 years of my life in this one glimpse of the town I basically began my life and found myself in. 

Tomorrow is the beginning of my last semester at Santa Barbara City College. Ugh, I'm legitimately tearing up thinking about this! I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for all of my incredible experiences in stunning Santa Barbara and I know I have to leave for the best, but it doesn't make me feel like I'll miss this place any less. I'm even thankful for the negatively incredible experiences I've had here because I've learned many lessons and because of them I'm becoming into the woman I've always aspired to be. Sometimes we all need a little push to steer us out of a negative path in our lives into a positive one.

I've refrained from telling you all this because it's very personal...but I want to share because I hope that any of you who have experienced a loss can have faith in such a powerful, miracle of healing that I experienced and know it can happen to you too. I had this "dream" a week ago that ended up being something I yearned for my entire life. It was about my mom. As I've mentioned before, she and my brother passed away (what will be this upcoming August) 20 years ago. She was in my room kneeling next to my bed I was laying in. I was not in control of this dream at all whatsoever. I totally respect whatever it is anyone believes in spiritually, but I know for a fact this was not just a dream, but her actually with me in my room. My mom apologized over and over and over again about not being able to physically be here here with me through all these experiences; the good and the bad. She knew everything that I've already accomplished, but didn't know anything I was planning. She mentioned seeing me on the ad with all the other bloggers saying whenever she saw it she was like, "That's my baby, that's my baby!" I told her about this being my last semester here, my major, and where I might transfer and I've never felt like someone was so proud of me in my entire life by the way she was hugging, jumping and dancing around the room with me. 

While I was asleep, I noticed her presence was starting to fade away and that I was about to wake up. I pleaded for her not to go, but she told me she had to and that I've proven to be strong enough to be okay and that we will be united after I finish all the great things she knows I have ahead of me. We said our "I love you's" and that was it. I woke up feeling like my soul was being placed back into my own body ever-so-gently, more whole than ever. I don't know why this positive "dream" where I finally felt like I met my mom for the first time waited this long to happen, but I'm forever changed in contentment from it. She has healed me through this experience I've craved ever since I could remember.  This lifetime of pain from her absence has finally ended as much as it possibly ever will on my own without her physically being here because I've realized she is alive in my heart and is with me through it all. 

Here's to endings, because without them we could never have new beginnings.

Here's to my last semester in Santa Barbara, because without this place I wouldn't be who I am now and who I will be in the future.

PS: I have some exciting news I will share with you all very soon and I'm turning 21 on Sunday. Life is happening and it's moving fast! Can't complain, the direction of it all is a dream becoming a reality.